My parents got divorced when I was in Kindergarten. Before they got divorced, my life was pretty normal. My dad was always an alcoholic, but my mom was better before the divorce. After my parents got divorced, I was bouncing back and forth between my parents. My dad did construction work and had to travel a lot, so I didn't get to see him as much. My mom worked all the time and dated a lot, so she wasn't around very much. It was like nobody was really there for me. When I was younger, my parents fought physically and the police would get called a lot. My dad drank a lot all the time. He drank everyday; it was like he never stopped. It got to be really normal to see him drinking.

My mom, she started out doing marijuana. I found out about that when I was in Middle school. I realized my mom was using drugs when I was in about 6th grade. I found a sack of weed in my mom's jewelry box and my sister told me what it was. Then we found a pipe and I got really mad about it. I smashed the pipe and threw the weed in the drain. She found out and got mad at me. Then my mom got with another guy and we started living with him. That was about when I was in 8th grade. That's when I started to smell something different. I eventually found a rock and I kind of knew what it was, but I had never seen it. I asked my friend about it and she told me it was crack. I threw it away, but my mom dug it out because it wasn't in the trash later. After a while, my mom lost our house and we didn't have any place to live. When we were homeless, I stayed with friends or with my boyfriend. When my mom got another place and I tried to live with her, but that didn't really work out. Even when we did have a place to live, nothing was very consistent or stable.

A few years ago, my father had to go to jail for two years because he got in a car accident when he was drunk and the other person died. My mom started doing meth and I was sexually abused by her boyfriend. I told someone about it and that's when I got put in foster care. I was living with friends sometimes and then I started to stay with my boyfriend's family. One night I got in a fight with my boyfriend and went to stay at my mom's. They were getting high and that's the night that her boyfriend tried to sexually assault me. It was really hard at first because I was really scared to talk about my mom and everything that had happened, but I told, and it was the right thing to do. Something that needs to be told should be told. It was so hard to actually tell what was happening in my life, but it needed to come to light. If something is wrong, you should tell no matter what, even if it makes people mad. I know I was scared, but it is important to stick by your word.

I drank the first time my 8th grade year. I used marijuana my freshmen year. My freshmen year, when I started having a lot more problems, that's when I started looking toward drinking and drugs a lot more. That's when my dad went to prison and I realized that my mom was using crack. I just had so much stress and I was really angry. I would pop pills. I would take oxycontin, xanax, and adderall a lot. I drank a lot on the weekends. I would smoke marijuana four or five times a week. I was using that a lot. The drugs took my mind off things. I would do it just for the fun of it and to be goofy, I guess. They were stupid reasons. I did it just to keep my mind off things and numb the pain. My junior year, I was using a lot less because I realized that I didn't need to be spending money on that stuff and that I had to be able to take care of myself because I didn't really have anybody I could rely on. I pretty much stopped using then. Now that I'm a senior, I don't really do anything anymore. I feel like I don't need it to relax anymore. I realized that I could lose a lot because of it. I could lose my scholarship, I could lose my independent living help, and besides all that, I don't want to go down that path. I don't want to end up like my mom.

I have been really active in sports all through school and I kept up my grades until I got put in foster care. I failed three classes then, but I am back on track now. I think the adjustment of moving and coming into a home where I didn't know anybody, and having to follow their rules was really too much at the time. Right now, I'm planning on staying in my foster home until I turn eighteen. My plan is to go community college for two years and then to a university for two years. I want to be an elementary school teacher. I like to do a lot of things. I love playing and watching sports. I'm also really involved with church and foster care now.

I think my parents both tried drinking and drugs when they were in high school. My dad just kept drinking more from that point on. My mom's drug use didn't really develop until later. It especially got worse when she started dated a guy who was a drug dealer and I think he got her into some stuff that was worse. I think my parents drank and did drugs because it just numbed them. It took their minds off the bad things in their lives. The negative affects of them using drugs were seeing all the bad things that it did to them, seeing them fight, and seeing all the different people around all the time. It was really hard because you never really had a stable place and there was always something crazy going on. It was probably the drugs that made my mom lose the house. She was making decent money at the time but you never knew where the money was going. My dad ultimately went to jail because of his drinking.

My dad doesn't drink anymore since he's been out of prison. After he got in the car accident, he didn't drink as much because he felt really bad that the woman in the other car had died and it was his fault. He would say he wished it was him instead of her. He felt really bad. Then, when he got put in prison, he decided he wanted to change his life around and he stopped drinking. Now that he's out of prison, he doesn't drink anymore at all. I'm not really sure what is going on with my mom anymore. My sister doesn't even hear from her and they live in the same town. She's probably still using. I don't know what would make my mom want to stop. I tried to talk to my mom about her drug use, but it didn't make her change. My dad says that he has shown me all the things I shouldn't do. He said that he's glad that he quit and he's not going to do it again. He felt really bad about all the things he's done and he just wants to get his family back and he doesn't want to lose anyone. He's trying really hard to turn things around.

I used to think a person with a problem was just someone who did it. Now I think an alcoholic or addict is someone who keeps doing it even though they know they shouldn't. With my mom, using took away her house, it took away her cars, it took away her children and she still does it. That's an addict to me. I don't think people should really get involved with drinking and drugs in the first place, but if someone wants to have a drink in their own home, or has a drink with friends, but has a sober driver, then that's okay. If you can just have a couple of drinks, go home and not bug anybody, then that's not really a problem. You should never do anything illegal though. That puts you in jeopardy of getting into a lot of trouble.

I think people don't think about what people with substance abuse problems have been through in their lives. When I started using, people thought I was stupid for doing it, but at the same time, they didn't know anything about what I was going through. They didn't understand why I was doing it and how it made me feel. They didn't know that I was homeless or anything. The drugs made me forget about real life and made me feel okay for the moment. I didn't have to think about what was going on. It hurt when I wasn't high. People don't spontaneously just get a drug problem. There are bigger things going on.

What I've learned from my experiences is that you don't need drugs at all. You can live without it. You don't need it in your life because all it will do is ruin everything you have or possibly ruin anything you can get. You don't want to go through it because it's a hard way to learn.