Planning my life
I’m 23, I graduated from college, and I just got married. I live on my own and I adopted a dog. I have different types of siblings. I have two older brothers (one I grew up with) and 2 younger ones. I also feel part of one of my foster families, and I have a brother and two sisters.
Foster care was a choice for me. Growing up, we stayed with different people. Eventually my mom started leaving and not coming back. When I was 15, I was living with my grandmother, and I snuck out of the house to buy sodas, but she thought I was doing drugs (like my mom did). She called the cops. I had to go back with my mom; she was homeless. My biggest fear was to end up homeless… It was a very difficult time… I spent the weekend at my friend’s house and on Monday I wasn’t allowed in school because my grandma had unenrolled me. The police came; my mom came and wanted to take me. I said “absolutely not”. I told them that I’d rather live in foster care. It was a hard decision, but I thank God I got out because I wonder where I would be right now…
I was fine with my first foster family until I realized they were trying to cheat the system. My foster sister and I had helped our caseworker gather evidence against them. When I moved, I chose my friend’s family as my foster family. With them, I was able to enjoy life. I got to be more involved in school, cheerleading, honor society, etc. They moved to another state when I was a junior and they offered to adopt me. I knew about foster care benefits for college and I didn’t want to put the burden of my education on them. So, I moved with my grandmother for my senior year. I had to pay rent but I had independent living support.
Before they moved, my foster parents helped me figure out what I needed to do for college. I planned and set goals. My foster sister and I studied together for the ACT. I felt prepared. My guidance counselor helped me to apply for a needs-based ACT scholarship. I didn’t understand how FAFSA worked. My best bet for college was in-state tuition.
I got a tuition waiver in college. My caseworker encouraged me to apply for a scholarship even if the deadline passed. Information wasn’t available then, but now it’s online at the Greater Kansas City Community Foundation. I took my information to a lady, she explained everything to me. I needed a state document saying I was in foster care. I applied for the scholarship and I got it. It was like $2500! I had to be active and admit my vulnerability, but it really helped me. I’d go and ask how to fill out forms or say “here’s my situation…” Registrar and financial aid gave me tips on how to do it right. I reapplied for the scholarship each year and I got it four years in a row. For my second year, I also got another scholarship through the Casey Family Programs and the Orphan Foundation of America. I filled out the online application and I got approved. The first year I got like $2500! They assigned me a mentor and I was never shy to ask questions.
In college I sought support from other people. Find professors you admire and discuss your situation. I’d go to my academic advisor with questions. I was also in a program with free tutoring, printing, career counseling, etc. I qualified for it because I was first generation from low-income. I planned each of the courses I took, I graduated with honors, and I even had the chance to study abroad! I used student loans to do a summer internship and a winter break in Europe. I also got an internship with a congressman. On my resume I have my GPAs, degrees, and work experience. I was also in the student senate and in my college academic council. I take advantage of every opportunity I have and sometimes I create them. A problem I faced was I had only 5 semesters until I turned 21 and we advocated for that change, so now you get up to 8 semesters for the tuition waiver.
When I left home, I realized I didn’t have the support system that you’re entitled to. With that gone, I had to be on my own and depend on strangers. Maybe I didn’t take the independent living packets seriously enough, but at least I’d done them once and it helped. I budgeted and I found where to cut my expenses. It took practice and seeking out resources.
I got my first job when I was in my first foster home. They set me a savings account and I was allowed to spend 20% of my paycheck. They got me a car and I had to pay them back. I got two part-time jobs to make more money and paid for my car. In college, I got a job as a nanny and got close to that family. I got my current job through a friend’s friend. She suggested me to upload my resume at USAjobs.gov and she contacted the recruiter. I’m sticking with my job as a career and my husband is getting out of the military to go to college.
I wanted to be attached so badly that I fell twice into emotionally abusive relationships; saying I was sorry even if it wasn’t my fault. With my husband things are different; I respect him as a person. He’s very driven, loyal, and trustworthy. I met him in 9th grade, we were friends and didn’t officially date. I chose who to marry very carefully because it had to be someone who wasn’t going to victimize me. Getting married was a weighed decision. We didn’t rush but we didn’t tell anybody about it and my family got upset when they found out. Everything is exciting, yet scary because I’m learning how to love.
I hate when people say “you did this in spite of your family”. My family caused me pain, my accomplishments are for ME. I have an objective, I plan, and I work for that. Every step shows me that I can go on. When you realize that you’re the only one holding yourself accountable; you’re doing it for yourself. I believe in myself and I have confidence in what I want. This is me and I surround myself by people who support me and feed my dreams. I have the determination to survive.
Some people are born into dysfunctional families and are stuck with them. I have my biological family and they were as supportive as they could be. But I could choose my own family and they’re still there. I got a choice. They don’t support me financially but it’s not about that. It’s about having that sense of love. The love that you’ve always wanted… It’s just really nice. I have a special connection with my foster mom. She was the first person to say: “you’re my daughter”. I really feel loved and supported by them, just being myself.
My relationship with my biological family is strange. They’re full of criticism. I give and I don’t get. Love is more like an obligation; we have to pretend to care. They think I’m defiant and “better”. They say: “you’re not acting like us”. But I AM different. I grew up in different people’s households where people shaped me and taught me different values. I had to survive!
My family always expected me to carry my mother’s burden. They never separated us. But when I left, I realized that they were wrong. My mom never stopped being a bad parent, so I called SRS on her and became “the traitor”. My brother didn’t want to go into foster care and stayed with my aunt. He didn’t have the advantages I did. In college, he didn’t have any support and dropped out. Then, he started relying on me. He’s going back to school. I want to support him so he gradually builds his independence. I’m like his mother.
To become independent: get a job, work hard, and be accountable for yourself. Never accept that things are the way they are. Always advocate for yourself! Track the status of things. Find connections with people and keep them. Not having a child of my own helped. That was smart!
Finances are crucial: don’t spend money you don’t have. No credit cards. Stick to your budget. We come from unbalanced families. Find your balance: time for study, work, and yourself. You can create a different future for yourself. Seek respect in your relationships. Create a sense of who you are and value yourself.
Foster care was a choice for me. Growing up, we stayed with different people. Eventually my mom started leaving and not coming back. When I was 15, I was living with my grandmother, and I snuck out of the house to buy sodas, but she thought I was doing drugs (like my mom did). She called the cops. I had to go back with my mom; she was homeless. My biggest fear was to end up homeless… It was a very difficult time… I spent the weekend at my friend’s house and on Monday I wasn’t allowed in school because my grandma had unenrolled me. The police came; my mom came and wanted to take me. I said “absolutely not”. I told them that I’d rather live in foster care. It was a hard decision, but I thank God I got out because I wonder where I would be right now…
I was fine with my first foster family until I realized they were trying to cheat the system. My foster sister and I had helped our caseworker gather evidence against them. When I moved, I chose my friend’s family as my foster family. With them, I was able to enjoy life. I got to be more involved in school, cheerleading, honor society, etc. They moved to another state when I was a junior and they offered to adopt me. I knew about foster care benefits for college and I didn’t want to put the burden of my education on them. So, I moved with my grandmother for my senior year. I had to pay rent but I had independent living support.
Before they moved, my foster parents helped me figure out what I needed to do for college. I planned and set goals. My foster sister and I studied together for the ACT. I felt prepared. My guidance counselor helped me to apply for a needs-based ACT scholarship. I didn’t understand how FAFSA worked. My best bet for college was in-state tuition.
I got a tuition waiver in college. My caseworker encouraged me to apply for a scholarship even if the deadline passed. Information wasn’t available then, but now it’s online at the Greater Kansas City Community Foundation. I took my information to a lady, she explained everything to me. I needed a state document saying I was in foster care. I applied for the scholarship and I got it. It was like $2500! I had to be active and admit my vulnerability, but it really helped me. I’d go and ask how to fill out forms or say “here’s my situation…” Registrar and financial aid gave me tips on how to do it right. I reapplied for the scholarship each year and I got it four years in a row. For my second year, I also got another scholarship through the Casey Family Programs and the Orphan Foundation of America. I filled out the online application and I got approved. The first year I got like $2500! They assigned me a mentor and I was never shy to ask questions.
In college I sought support from other people. Find professors you admire and discuss your situation. I’d go to my academic advisor with questions. I was also in a program with free tutoring, printing, career counseling, etc. I qualified for it because I was first generation from low-income. I planned each of the courses I took, I graduated with honors, and I even had the chance to study abroad! I used student loans to do a summer internship and a winter break in Europe. I also got an internship with a congressman. On my resume I have my GPAs, degrees, and work experience. I was also in the student senate and in my college academic council. I take advantage of every opportunity I have and sometimes I create them. A problem I faced was I had only 5 semesters until I turned 21 and we advocated for that change, so now you get up to 8 semesters for the tuition waiver.
When I left home, I realized I didn’t have the support system that you’re entitled to. With that gone, I had to be on my own and depend on strangers. Maybe I didn’t take the independent living packets seriously enough, but at least I’d done them once and it helped. I budgeted and I found where to cut my expenses. It took practice and seeking out resources.
I got my first job when I was in my first foster home. They set me a savings account and I was allowed to spend 20% of my paycheck. They got me a car and I had to pay them back. I got two part-time jobs to make more money and paid for my car. In college, I got a job as a nanny and got close to that family. I got my current job through a friend’s friend. She suggested me to upload my resume at USAjobs.gov and she contacted the recruiter. I’m sticking with my job as a career and my husband is getting out of the military to go to college.
I wanted to be attached so badly that I fell twice into emotionally abusive relationships; saying I was sorry even if it wasn’t my fault. With my husband things are different; I respect him as a person. He’s very driven, loyal, and trustworthy. I met him in 9th grade, we were friends and didn’t officially date. I chose who to marry very carefully because it had to be someone who wasn’t going to victimize me. Getting married was a weighed decision. We didn’t rush but we didn’t tell anybody about it and my family got upset when they found out. Everything is exciting, yet scary because I’m learning how to love.
I hate when people say “you did this in spite of your family”. My family caused me pain, my accomplishments are for ME. I have an objective, I plan, and I work for that. Every step shows me that I can go on. When you realize that you’re the only one holding yourself accountable; you’re doing it for yourself. I believe in myself and I have confidence in what I want. This is me and I surround myself by people who support me and feed my dreams. I have the determination to survive.
Some people are born into dysfunctional families and are stuck with them. I have my biological family and they were as supportive as they could be. But I could choose my own family and they’re still there. I got a choice. They don’t support me financially but it’s not about that. It’s about having that sense of love. The love that you’ve always wanted… It’s just really nice. I have a special connection with my foster mom. She was the first person to say: “you’re my daughter”. I really feel loved and supported by them, just being myself.
My relationship with my biological family is strange. They’re full of criticism. I give and I don’t get. Love is more like an obligation; we have to pretend to care. They think I’m defiant and “better”. They say: “you’re not acting like us”. But I AM different. I grew up in different people’s households where people shaped me and taught me different values. I had to survive!
My family always expected me to carry my mother’s burden. They never separated us. But when I left, I realized that they were wrong. My mom never stopped being a bad parent, so I called SRS on her and became “the traitor”. My brother didn’t want to go into foster care and stayed with my aunt. He didn’t have the advantages I did. In college, he didn’t have any support and dropped out. Then, he started relying on me. He’s going back to school. I want to support him so he gradually builds his independence. I’m like his mother.
To become independent: get a job, work hard, and be accountable for yourself. Never accept that things are the way they are. Always advocate for yourself! Track the status of things. Find connections with people and keep them. Not having a child of my own helped. That was smart!
Finances are crucial: don’t spend money you don’t have. No credit cards. Stick to your budget. We come from unbalanced families. Find your balance: time for study, work, and yourself. You can create a different future for yourself. Seek respect in your relationships. Create a sense of who you are and value yourself.