Kansas Independence

I recently turned eighteen and graduated from high school. I'll be leaving my foster home in the fall when I go to college. Even though I moved around so much, I always loved school. The only other place I'd rather be than at school is at a library because I love to read. Some people might say I'm a nerd, but I love school. After I finish college I want to go to med school to become a cardiologist. I also do a lot of school sports and I was involved in debate and forensics. I try to stay busy.

While I was growing up, I don't really know what my parents did for work. My parents used all kinds of drugs. They were never at home and we were alone most of the time. When they were at home, they were always fighting and arguing all the time. I know my parents went to high school together and I think they started using then. I think it just got worse over time. I don't know why they used. I never really got to know my parents. We never spent any family time together, we didn't do anything together. I don't really know very much about them. I don't even know their birthdays.

The main negative consequence of my parents' drug use was abuse. There was also a time when we had to stay by ourselves at our house for like a month because they never came home. My big sister ran away and my brother was in jail, so it was pretty much me who had to take care of the younger ones. We had to learn how to cook and stuff like that. It was hard, but we did it. My parents never tried to quit and me and my brothers and sisters never talked to them about their drug use because we were too scared. If we said anything, they probably would have hit us. I don't think anything would have stopped them from using. We were their kids, and they wouldn't stop using for us. Going to jail wouldn't even stop them.

I used to think people who had drug or alcohol problems were just people who liked to drink or smoke or use needles, or whatever, but I didn't consider them to be as bad as my parents. My parent did it a lot. I've gotten to the point where I don't even like to be around people who smoke cigarettes. Now, I don't really know what my perception is. I don't really have a perception. I just try to not think about those things and I stay away from people who drink or use drugs. I try to stay away from drugs and alcohol myself, because of what it did to my parents. I've never tried any of that stuff, because I've seen what it can do. Drugs escalate, and people say they can stop, but a lot of people can't. People need to get help. People in abusive situations need to find help and get out too. I don't think abuse stops, I think it just gets worse.

People try and make drug use seem not as bad as it really is. I think that's a big misconception. People don't realize what could happen if you stay in a bad situation. My little brothers and sisters still think they're going to go home and that my parents are going to stop. Maybe that's because of the age difference. The older you get, the more you understand. When you're younger, you think, oh they're not doing anything that bad or it can't be that bad, but when you're older and think about it you realize, I could have died staying in that house.

I honestly think I am still coping with the situation. Since I practically raised my brothers and sisters, I've learned to be closer to my siblings. You don't know how you feel about your siblings until they're not there. I learned to trust myself more. Sometimes I have low self-esteem, but I can't show my brothers and sisters that. They pay attention to me. If I did drugs or hung out with the wrong gang, they would think its okay for them to do it. I think it's a great thing that I'm going to college because now they're excited for when they finish high school and they want to go to college. I've learned to be a better role model for them because they look up to me.