My parents split up when I was 3, so I don't remember when they were still together. I lived with my dad and sister most of the time. When I was about 10 years old I moved in with my mom. I always lived in a big city either in a trailer park or an apartment. My parents never really held jobs. If either of them had a job it wouldn't last very long, so we always lived off the state. When I was growing up I hated school. I never stayed at one school for more than a semester because I was always moving around. My dad would make me go, but when I was with my mom she'd let me stay home and skip school. Since I entered foster care when I was 13, I've been in 2 lock up facilities, 4 or 5 group homes, and 6 or 7 foster homes.

My dad drank, smoked weed, did cocaine, and popped pills. He would do anything that was available, and my mom was the same. As for my sister, she  drank and  smoked weed. It soon evolved into cocaine and meth use. They were all pretty heavy meth users. My dad was a functional user meaning that even though he was high he was still always making sure that I was up for school, had clean clothes, and was fed. My mom was the opposite. My mom would drink to the point she'd pass out on the kitchen floor or bathroom and I'd have to take care of her. I'd make coffee or bread to try to sober her up. I'd also hide the alcohol. I was more of a mother to her than she was to me.

When I was 7 years old my sister thought it would be funny to try to get me to smoke a cigarette. She thought it was hilarious when I started coughing. The next day she brought home a joint for me to smoke, so I was 7 the first time I  smoked weed. I really started  smoking weed and drinking when I was 10. My dad and my sister were really close because they did drugs together which made my mom jealous. I think that's why my mom started letting me  smoke weed, because my mom wanted the same kind of relationship with me.

One time when I was 16 I snuck out and went to a party. I was really really drunk and I don't even know how I got home or who took me home. It made me think, "Wow, something bad really could have happened." Since then I haven't been into drinking. I've always been really addicted to weed though. I'd go looking for it at school. Even when I was in group homes I'd skip class or get some from other kids at school and go to the bathroom and smoke it. Usually I would smoke by myself because I was greedy with it. My grandpa gave me money, so I was smoking everyday. I would use my parents' drug use to my advantage. They would buy me alcohol and weed or let me skip school. I could do whatever I wanted. I'd have friends over and party. Doing drugs made me feel accepted, and I was the cool kid on the block. Everyone was coming over because my mom didn't care if they drank or smoked. All of her friends were my age. Even when I was with my dad, there were always kids over at my mom's house. I've tried ecstasy, but I lost one of my closest friends over it because I did something she didn't approve of and we got into a fight about it. I lost her trust. I also tried meth one time. I wanted to be like my sister because when she was using meth she was really into identity fraud and would take me shopping. I wanted to be able to take people that I liked to the mall and get them whatever they wanted.

Ever since I've been in foster care everyone tried to talk to me about my drug use: counselors, therapists, social workers, diversion officers, my dad, etc. I'm hardheaded and nothing anyone said could make a difference. I couldn't get clean for someone else. I had to do it for myself. I've been through two different drug treatments. The first time I didn't want to quit. I didn't want the help, so it didn't work. The second time I wanted help, because I found out I was pregnant and realized I wanted to provide a better life for my son so I got clean. Now, I work as a waitress, and after I have my baby I hope to go to college and get my RN degree.

When my sister had her baby she got clean for 7 months, and she was living with my grandparents. They kicked her out when they found out she was using again. She might have started using again because of the stress of being a new mom or just because of the unfamiliarity of being clean. My mom says she tries to quit, but I don't think she ever really does. Over time they would just take more and more. Their tolerance increased. When they couldn't get their fix, they would do anything to get it. Right now my sister is in prison for 15 years for theft and identity fraud, because she'd do anything to get the money to support her habit. My mom's in prison too, but she gets out this year. She was drunk, stole a car, and violated her probation. They've all had legal problems and been in jail.

My dad is now clean. I think my dad got clean so he could be there for my nephew because my sister's not around. He's been clean for almost 7 years now and he did it all on his own. Even though he went to jail and was on probation, he knew of ways to clean his UA's and could get away with it. Eventually, he decided he wanted to get out of the legal mess. I stay with him on the weekends and we have a really close relationship now.

I used to think an addict was a bad person that couldn't stop using. I think it's more than that now. Anybody can be addicted and you can become addicted the first time you use. I think I was addicted the first time I drank and now I still am. Even if you stop using you're still addicted. A lot of people think just because alcohol is legal or weed grows from the ground it's not bad, but it all affects you and changes you.